


Deterrence

by Feneris



Category: Gravity Falls, Transcendence AU - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence, Computer Viruses, Conspiracy Theories, Gen, Magical Computer Viruses, National Emergencies, Nuclear Weapons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 18:17:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8220413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feneris/pseuds/Feneris
Summary: Even after the Transcendence, the United States continued to maintain its nuclear arsenal in order to deter others from using similar weapons against them. Automating the system however, may have been a bad idea. Especially with the Alcor Virus involved.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Another silly fic born of a chat with ThisCat, and the idea of the Alcor Virus getting its hands on the nuclear launch codes. Hope you enjoy, and I especially like learning what jokes you liked best.

_This is TraffCam 9 reporting to you live from downtown Washington, where a recent failure with the newly installed traffic control system has resulted in massive backups, and even drivers becoming trapped in roundabouts. At the moment the intersection of 26th and Knight is gridlocked, we have traffic backed up all the way up Oakley Avenue to the bridge, and there are even people trapped in Magnolia Crescent just off 84th. The intersection at 6th and Georgetown is clear but…. What the fuck!?”_

The camera zoomed out, giving a view of the entire city. Some streets were dead, the lanes empty and dark except for the street lights. Others were packed to the gills with angry motorists, furiously cursing and honking. The newly installed steel pylons that were supposed to help direct and control traffic were not responding to Traffic Control’s increasingly hysterical attempts to regain control of the situation.

But what was not apparent to those on the ground, but was plain to see to the traffic reporter in his helicopter, was that there was a pattern to the chaos. A message spelled out in the city below with glaring car lights and angry drivers.

“I’M BACK! :)”

\---  
“You must understand Ma’am,” the Head of Information Security explained. “The last time the Alcor Virus appeared in this country, it caused over five hundred billion dollars in damage. To put that into perspective, it only cost three hundred billion dollars to clean up after super-hurricane Mimi.” He flicked the slide on his tablet. “I know what’s happening in Belize is critical to the security of this country. But, I strongly advise we take action to combat the Alcor Virus before…”

The intercom of the President’s desk beeped. The red intercom that was only to be used for emergencies. 

“Yes, what is it?” The President asked, holding up her finger to tell the Head of Information Security to wait.

“It’s the Alcor Virus,” the voice on the other end gasped. “It’s got into our systems.”

The Head of Information Security went pale. “Oh god!” he gasped. “This is on par with what’s going on in Belize.”

“Worse,” the voice on the intercom replied. “It’s gotten into the computers in charge of the nuclear deterrence system and it’s already downloaded the nuclear launch codes!”

\---

It was grim faced group that trooped down to the main sever room in the Pentagon. The President, the heads of the CIA and FBI, the Director of Homeland Security, and several other important officials and their aides. 

“Alight,” the President said, as they arrayed themselves before the large screen. “We know you’re there. Come out so we can negotiate.”

The screen flicked on. A little chibi avatar of Alcor was leaning against the Pentagon logo splayed across the desktop, cleaning its claws with a toothpick.

[Well, that’s rude.]

[No good morning or anything.]

The President’s lips tightened even further. “We’re here to negotiate for the return of our nuclear launch codes. What are your…”

[No!]

[I am not talking to you!] 

[Not after you were so rude to me!]

The Alcor Virus turned it’s back to the assembled crowd, it’s head in the air.

“Who…” The President said through clenched teeth, “will you talk to?”

The Alcor Virus turned around, it’s chin held high.

[Wally, the D-Section janitor.]

\---

It took an hour to find Wally. Who wasn’t at work and wasn’t at home. Secret Service agents finally tracked him down to a local McRonalds where he was having an unscheduled lunch break with his phone turned off. 

“But what can I do?” He protested as they rode the elevator to the crisis room. “I’m just a janitor here!”

“Stall him,” the Secret Service agent escorting him explained. “Whatever you do, keep him talking and don’t make him mad. “We’ve got people working to disable as many of our nukes as we can before he realizes what’s going on.”

“What happens when he does?”

“Who the hell knows,” the agent muttered as the doors opened, and they stepped out in the crisis center. 

\---

The Alcor Virus perked up the moment it saw Wally.

[Hi Wally! I saw your post about your new granddaughter!]

[Congratulations!] 

“Ummmm… thanks,” Wally replied, glancing back and forth to the crowd of technical support personnel and government agents around him. “Look these folks wanted me to ask if there was anything you wanted…”

The Alcor Virus’s eyes suddenly gleamed.

[A puppy!]

\---

“A puppy!?” 

The head of Information Security looked incredulous. 

“A digital one,” Wally added, glancing down at his notes. “With floppy ears and a big bow around its neck.” 

“I know a company that makes digital assistants,” one of the aides pipped up. “I’ll get them on it right away.” 

“Do it,” the head of Information Security waved them off.

“Do you think it’s going to be enough?” Wally asked. “I mean; do you think a puppy is going to make it give back the launch codes?” 

“I doubt it,” the man snorted. “But as long as it’s waiting for its puppy, the nukes aren’t flying. Don’t worry,” he added, seeing the look on Wally’s face. “We’re already exploring other solutions. Just focus on keeping it talking.”

\---

Fort Hicktown was a remote military base out in the Arizona desert. Five hundred miles from the nearest town, it was mostly used as a punishment detail for troublemaking troops in the US military. Its remote location was the main reason it was selected as the headquarters for this particular project. 

“Do you have any idea what you are asking of me!?” the demonologist practically screamed. “This is Alcor the Fucking Dreambender you’re asking me to summon. You know, the demon that ripped that huge chunk out of the west coast!” 

“What’s going on?” The President strode into the room, her entourage behind her.

“Just a disagreement on the proper security that should be in place when we summon a demon in this base,” the base commander answered first. “This fool is refusing to bind Alcor when we summon him.”

“I’m not refusing. I’m saying I can’t do it!” the demonologist shot back. “You can’t bind Alcor the Dreambender. It doesn’t work. He just overpowers the bindings! You can’t even contain him with wards. Believe me they’ve tried!” 

“But you can still summon him?” The President asked. 

“That’s the easy part,” the demonologist snorted. “The problem is, if we do, we have absolutely no way to protect ourselves if we piss Alcor off. And if we really piss him off, it won’t be just us in danger. Need I remind you all of California! I will put up containment wards and a binding circle!” he added as the base commander was about to open his mouth. “But, I can’t guarantee… what am I saying… there’s a snowballs chance in hell that they’ll actually do any good!” 

“Do you think he’ll try and kill us?” The President asked. 

“Who the fuck knows?” the demonologist shrugged. “Alcor is an unpredictable demon. There’s just as many stories of him helping his summoners as there are of him ripping them apart and devouring them. We don’t even know why he blew up California, but for whatever reasons he hasn’t seen fit to repeat the act. I personally don’t know why you want to summon him, but I will do it if you tell me to. Just, for the record though, I think it would be a huge mistake.” 

The President took a deep breath and closed her eyes, weighing the odds. “We’re in hot enough water as it is. Do it.”

“Alright.”

Slowly, carefully, the demonologist drew out the summoning circle in chalk. Lit the candles along it’s edge, and spoke the incantation.

A wave of primeval fear swept through the room. The shadows seemed to leap out of the corners and swirled around the room, settling along the floor in the shape of a steel-plated trap-door. 

“Oh no,” the demonologist muttered. “I’ve heard about this. Not this shit again.”

The trap-door sprang open and a wild looking man stuck his head out. His face was decorated with a shaggy brown beard, that clashed horribly with his immaculate black and gold suit. His golden eyes were wide, nearly hiding his black sclera, and a top hat, seemingly made out of crumpled tin-foil, was floating above his head. 

“IS IT OVER YET!?”

“Is what over?” The President asked in alarm.

“The end of the world!” the man, who was obviously Alcor the Dreambender, replied. “With the intergalactic lizardmen allied with China, it’s only a matter of time!” 

“Wha…” The President cast confused glances at the people around her. Who looked just as befuddled as she felt. So she fell back on the lines she had rehearsed on the helicopter ride to the base. “Oh mighty Dreambender, we called you here to return your creation, the Alcor Virus, to…”

“HA! Don’t talk to me about the Alcor Virus! Everyone knows the Alcor Virus was actually made in Seattle in a secret computer lab run by Gigasoft’s cyber-warfare division, and sold to the government so that they could hide the existence of their secret orbital mind-control laser! And don’t try to deny it!” he shrieked as The President made to open her mouth. “I _know_ these kind of things!” 

The President blinked a few times in bewilderment. Then she turned to the head of the FBI. “Do we actually have an orbital mind-control laser?”

\---

“Well,” Wally said, holding up the tablet to the screen. “Here’s your puppy.”

The Alcor Virus didn’t look happy. If anything, it looked heartbroken.

[But I wanted a beagle.]

\---

“So…” Alcor drawled, spinning around to survey his surroundings. “Why have you called me to Area 51. Trying to see how demonic magic affects your alien experiments?”

“This isn’t Area 51,” The President replied. “This is Fort Hicktown in Arizona. We called you here to discuss...”

“Soooooo Fort Hicktown is what you’re calling it these days eh?” 

“Area 51 doesn’t exist any more,” one of the assembled generals put in. “You blew it up yourself, remember?”

“HA! That’s what you want me to think.”  
\---

“Is it printing out its demands like you wanted?” Wally asked, sticking his head in the office.

“Yes,” the Head of Information Security replied, watching in despair as the nearby printer spat out another sheaf of paper. “They just keep coming.”

“Why does it say ‘Dear Santa?’ at the top?” Wally asked turning his head sideways to get a better look.

“Who knows,” the Head of Information Security sighed. “I’ve given up trying to understand how that virus thinks. The supersonic jet with the automated piloting systems and the state of the art computer core I could understand. But the rest of this…” 

“Sir,” one of the aides stuck her head in. “We’re on the phone with the Northwest Hotel in Portland. They’re dragging their heels about selling us the green vending machine in their lobby. They also keep asking why we want it so badly and why it must be the vending machine from that particular hotel.”

“I DON’T KNOW WHY!” The Head of Information Security practically screamed. “THE DAMNED VIRUS JUST ASKED FOR THE GREEN VENDING MACHINE FROM THE NORTHWEST HOTEL IN PORTLAND. I DON’T KNOW WHY IT WANTS IT!” 

\---

“Let me guess,” Alcor mussed. “You’re starting up Project Sock-Opera again. Doing more studies to see what happens when death-row inmates get possessed by demons.” He let out a cackle. “Hope it goes better this time! But of course, we all know that’s not what it’s really about.”

“Project Sock-Opera?” The President muttered, casting an amused glance at the head of the CIA. She was expecting another exasperated denial. Instead, the head of the CIA looked nervous. It was hard to tell with his dark skin, but he looked rather pale and his eyes shifted away from her’s. “He’s spouting bullshit again right?” 

“Not exactly…” The head of the CIA admitted. “There was a Project Sock-Opera going on in the early fifties. There were fears at the time that demons were using formerly possessed people as sleeper agents on this plane. So Project Sock-Opera was started to help us understand how demonic possession actually worked. We used volunteers from death row as test subjects, promising to cancel out their death sentence if they allowed themselves to be possessed.”

“Why wasn’t I briefed on this?” The President hissed out.

“It was before your time!” the head of the CIA explained. “The project was shut down after only five months. We had a lot of problems with ensuring security and the demons colluded with each other to sabotage our data. The project was deemed a failure and all records were subsequently classified.”

The President glared at him. “We,” she said, pointing to both the head of the CIA and the FBI. “Are going to be having a talk when this is all over.” 

\---

“Gummy worms!?” The Head of Information Security shrieked. “Why on earth does he want a house in South Florida made of _gummy worms!?”_

\---

“Immortal Twin Star, we just want to ask you to withdraw the Alcor Virus from…”

“Oh don’t you start about the Alcor Virus again!” Alcor raved. “I already told you I know it’s all a ploy to hide the existence of your giant orbital mind-control laser! But you know what’ll really get you?” Alcor shot forward suddenly, his face inches away from The President’s. She jumped back in alarm, and her bodyguards reached for their guns. “The Transcendence didn’t really happen you know. That was just when they started putting hallucinogens in the water supply. But they put in too many, see, and then they couldn’t go back without revealing the whole conspiracy! It doesn’t exist! None of it exists! It’s all the government covering up a botched attempt to control the population! Alcor didn’t cause the Transcendence! He doesn’t even exist!”

“But you’re Alcor…”

“HA! That’s what you want me to think!” 

_”Madam President,”_ One of the aides whispered suddenly. _”The Prime Minister of Canada is on the line. He says that he’s happy to loan us a troop of fully uniformed Mounties, if it really is an emergency, and that the two thousand, six hundred, and forty-three live cod and the polar bear are on their way south as we speak. He’s demanding to know what the hell is going on though.”_

\---

[…and it needs to be blue!]

[No! Red!]

[And I need a…]

A loud ping suddenly sounded through the crisis room. Everyone went silent as a small mail icon appeared beside the Alcor Virus. 

[Oh good, it’s done!]

“What’s done!?” Wally asked in alarm.

[Oh, nothing important.]

[Just the disarmament of the global nuclear arsenal.]

[Thanks for helping me out with that! :) ]

[It really sped things up!]

[I’ve got to go now. Bye!]

[*Bark*]

[And thanks for the puppy!]

\---

“You see, they got it wrong at first! It wasn’t drugs they were pumping out through the airplane chemtrails, it was a special hi-density gas that sped up the greenhouse effect! You see, once they…”

The President was about to open her mouth to but in again with another plea to get back on topic. When a loud ping echoed through the empty warehouse.

“Oh good,” Alcor said, straightening up. “It’s all done.” With one smooth motion he pulled the bushy beard off his face, and stuffed it into the tin foil top hat. Which he then proceeded to crunch into a smaller and smaller ball until it disappeared. “That was fun.” He whipped another, more regular, top-hat out of thin air and brought it to rest, floating above his head. “Goodbye and good day.”

“Wait, what’s done!?” The President started to ask. But Alcor was already gone. The feeling of fear lifted from everyone’s heart and the shadows slunk back to their proper places. A deep, uneasy silence filled the room.

It was then that the President’s personal phone started ringing.

\---

It was a tense crowd gathered in the Presidential boardroom at the Whitehouse that night.

“Alright,” said the President. “We’re going to have to find a way to explain what happened today. I don’t think we should make it public about the Alcor Virus getting its hands on the nuclear launch codes. But people are going to be demanding answers as to why our planes were water-bombing one of our own cities with blue paint.” 

The Head of Information Security winced. 

“I agree that this information should be kept confidential, at least for now.” the head of Homeland Security announced. “The Alcor Virus is still out there, and the last thing we need is people panicking.”

“We should also try to keep it quiet that our nuclear arsenal is now all duds,” one of the assembled generals added. “If what the Alcor Virus said is true…”

“And we have no reason to assume it is,” the head of the CIA butted in. 

“If it is true, then all the other nuclear powers are in the same boat as us. But there are other threats out there that might react rashly to the fact that there is no nuclear deterrent holding them back. I suggest…”

The red intercom beeped.

“Madam President,” the voice on the other end said. “You might want to take a look at the news headlines.”

Someone grabbed a remote and flicked channels on the boardroom’s large display screen. One of the international news networks popped up.

**”ALCOR VIRUS GETS HANDS ON NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES! END OF THE WORLD IN SIGHT!”**

The President’s forehead hit the table with a thunk.


End file.
